I wish I could punch you in the face.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
