Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize