You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
