so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
