If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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