I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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