I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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