I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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