Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
