and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
