yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also, beer. Big fan.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
