yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
