covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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