his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
