I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
