You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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