I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
