So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
