i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
