I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's never too late to be topless.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
