She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
