can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
