New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize