did you get engaged???
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
