the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
