Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
