Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
