Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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