So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize