Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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