ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
