dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
