I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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