Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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