I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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