you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
