Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
my poor anus
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
