the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
