there's paper in my vomit.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
