sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
