So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
