can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
