I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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