look no pants
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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