a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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