It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
