Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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