we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
