I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize