Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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