What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
