Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
