Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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