my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
