I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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