I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
