we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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