Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
