Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
