my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
