Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
