then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
