My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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