I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
