we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
