It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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