member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize