Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
