do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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